The Unholy Sacraments
These are our rituals. Not handed down from above, but conjured from below, within, and around. They’re how we mark time, transformation, and the beautiful absurdity of existence.
🔥 Baptism by Whiskey
A rite of liberation. You don’t need saving—just a reminder that your body is your own, and your past doesn’t define you. A splash of something strong, a declaration of self, a cheer to chaos.
🍝 Communion of the Noodles
Pasta is sacred. Whether slurped, twirled, or thrown in celebration, it connects us to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, to each other, and to our stomachs. May you be filled with carbs and truth.
🥖 The Breaking of Breadless Hot Dog (and Rules)
Every meal shared is holy. Break bread. Break silence. Break the cycle. We eat together as rebels and kin.
💀 Confession and Catharsis
Tell your truth, scream into the void, cry in a safe place. No guilt, no shame. Just release and witness.
🥂 The Toast of the Damned
Raise a glass to the weird, the wounded, the wanderers. Celebrate survival. Curse the darkness. Praise the ridiculous.
🌀 Holy Shitstorm
Life implodes sometimes. We honor that. Rites of rage, grief, and starting over are performed as needed. You are not alone in the chaos.
❄️ Abide with Slack
Divine relaxation. This one should be pretty self explanatory. White Russiand and a pipe encouraged, but not required.